Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Well That Escalated Quickly

I swear sometimes I feel like my life is a freakin' novela. Yeah I said it because I often wonder if I'm getting punk'd and Ashton Kutcher is gonna come out of the bushes and laugh at me. There's something about dating that gives me a big headache as of late. Blame it on my latest heartbreak or what have you, but I just don't have the energy for it.

So I am chillin' at home last night watching The Walking Dead and mind you my heart is racing because what's going down is downright more scary than those damn zombies when I get a text from the new guy I recently met on Tinder. I haven't met him in person yet by the way so we're just chatting here and there. He texts me and I respond with "hey". It's Monday, I'm watching my show and drinking my wine, not really in the texting mood. Now if you were to call me that would be a whole 'nother story.

He responds, "That's all I get is a hey? Smh". Of course, I'm doing my thing and I don't respond because I have no energy for this bull. What would have been a better response given that we've only talked for 2 days? 'Hey' seems perfectly fine to me. Was he expecting me to be like "Oh hey, I'm so glad you texted. I was just thinking about you LOL". Get the fuck outta here dude. Don't let the door hit you in the behind either.. or do, whatever.

I am not gonna be sweating you so keep it moving. What's more is that I haven't even met you so you giving me attitude is not the way to do it. Dude clearly has issues and I know I have my own shit to deal with and don't need anybody else's pile. Thanks, but no thanks.

To tell y'all the truth, even if this guy was perfect I still need more time to heal from the number Rico did on me. We talked the other night for an hour and he kept saying how sorry he was and I heard him out, but I didn't have anymore words to say. At this point, it's like a record playing over and over and I'm ready to upgrade to an MP3, or something like that. Timing is always off and that's why I feel like my life is a novela. Nobody gets their happy ending, or do they?

My bed is calling me right about now so that's my cue to be off like a prom dress. On a side note, did anyone see the latest Walking Dead episode? Holy shit! I think I almost peed my pants. Just sayin'.

Monday, October 20, 2014

Last Week of Being 31

A week from today it will be my birthday. I can't even wrap my head around the fact that another year came and went. I think the older I get now, the less I am keen on going out, let alone get dressed up for Halloween. Last year I was Queen of Hearts and even got 2nd place in a Halloween contest. I guess this year I ran out of ideas and have no desire to dress up.

This weekend was pretty low key. Something about working in downtown really can wear you out, I know for me anyway. I didn't even get to go to the state fair since my friends were all tied up with other events, boo! I did however, go shopping like it was gonna go out of style. Got some new undies from Victoria's Secret, dressy shirts from NY&CO and some good 'ol makeup. I did wanna get some new ankle boots, but I'll wait 'til next payday.

Went back to my natural nails and got the next gen gel in dark purple. It now officially feels like fall.

I played with my makeup this weekend and tried on my new lippy in Smoked Purple by MAC. I am so not used to wearing such a dark shade, but I think it looks really good. What do y'all think?

My baby got groomed and he looks so cute! At least I got him a Halloween costume, which I have yet to put him in it. Next weekend for sure.

I got on Tinder... I know I said I was done with online dating, but I had to give this app a go. So far I have been chatting with this guy who's also Puerto Rican and he's really sweet. He lives in Fort Worth so we'll meet halfway soon and go on our first date. In case you missed yesterday's post about me moving on, go here.

How was y'alls weekend?!

Sunday, October 19, 2014

Heart and Mind Caught Up

One of the things that turns me off besides insecurity is a guy who doesn't know what he wants. I think it's officially become my dating pet peeve. I dealt with that with Pedro when we were dating and now with Rico. The grass is not always greener fellas! It's not gonna get any better than me, hahaha. I kid, but seriously though why walk away from someone who genuinely cares for them because they don't know if they want to keep being single.

To that I say "Ain't nobody got time for dat!" because it's the plain truth. I don't have time to wait on you to decide if you want to be with me. I don't have time to deal with your bullshit and I'm not even your girl. What's it gonna be like when I am?

I know my heart was clouded behind these rose colored glasses that things would work out. Apparently, nothing really changed on his end. Not even a day went by and we were already bickering at each other. Anything I would say, he would get defensive and fight me on what I would say. What is wrong with you dude?

I know he pushed me away, but he kept riding that ride all the way home this past week. Still pushing me away and not letting shit go. I'm exhausted emotionally and just giving up once and for all. It took me a couple of tries I know, but at least I finally reached the point where I really need to move on.

So you can give me a pat on the back if you want, or tell me you told me so. The thing that is hardest is to take your own advice. I would've advised myself a month ago to keep it moving, but my heart wasn't ready. I think my mind and heart have finally caught up to each other and they are both nodding that yes, let's move right the fuck along.

People say that I shouldn't be so giving right off the bat or get too involved into guys, but I don't know how not to do that. Maybe it's just the way I'm wired. When I like someone, I show it and maybe that's what gets me in trouble cuz the guys I like are not into that. Well fuck you guys! This is the way I am and if you can't handle it then you're not the right guy for me. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I don't think that's gonna change anytime soon; or ever.

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Confessions of a Loveaholic

I have a pretty big ass confession to confess today and I am still amazed how everything unraveled. So I know a few weeks back I said that I was done with Rico because we weren't getting anywhere, but time took place since we weren't talking and he reached out to me last night. What's interesting is that all day I felt really sad cuz I missed him to the point where I wanted to cry. Some days are easier than others, but yesterday my heart was so heavy you could basically use it as paper weight. It's also ironic that the days when I feel sad and thinking about him every minute of the day is when I hear from him. Same thing happened at the beginning of October when he casually reached out acting like nothing had happened and I was short with him.

He finally opened up and acknowledged that he overreacted and was sorry that he hurt me. I told him he did hurt me and that I forgive him, but actions speak louder than words. I asked him if this was a result of past relationships that made him think I was just like the women who may have taken advantage of him. He said he had some good relationships and some bad ones. That's really the only thing I could think of that was spurring this kind of reaction from him because I know I've done everything I could to fix the issue and he wouldn't let me.

He actually admitted he knows he didn't let me fix it and pushed me away, so I finally felt like he was coming around. I met up with him and we talked some more and I concluded that he pushed me away because he's holding on to his past and is afraid. He says he knows he needs to work on being consistent and I told him that's key because he wasn't being consistent with me anymore and it was making me feel like he didn't care.

I can't tell you how relieved I feel that we finally resolved this by taking the first step to talk things out. I'm not saying we're out of the woods yet, but I feel like we're headed in the right direction. I was open with him too and told him that I know what I want and it's to be with him. I guess time will tell if he's going to really make the effort to work on the things he needs to work on and I will be patient, yet again, because I am falling for this guy.

Seeing him last night after not seeing him for what felt like forever {think it was a month} was so good for my heart. I just felt so happy and hopeful that we will make it through this as long as we communicate. I don't get why guys take longer to catch up to us because us women usually know what we want. All I know is is that relationships take a lot of work and it's not that easy to walk away when you both feel something for each other that you can't quite put your finger on it. I'll keep y'all posted.

What are you confessing today?