Friday, August 29, 2014

Long Weekend? Yes Please!

Want to start off by saying thank you guys so much for all of your thoughtful comments, messages on my last post and I just feel so blessed to be able to interact with so many of you even though we aren't in each other's lives in person, it means the world. I'll get around to commenting today haha.

I had a feeling the next day was gonna be great and it actually was.

The main thing that made my day all kinds of awesomesauce was I won a raffle at work for $300 buckaroos! What is crazy about that is I only had two little raffle tickets, TWO! Our VP put all of our tickets in a jar and there was about 200 tickets in there and he calls out my name "Bella!". I was in such shock I couldn't even move, I just yelled out like a school girl. OOOOOOOOHHHHH!!! Some people had way more tickets in there than I did, but for some reason he called out my winning ticket. Holy beejeezus, I almost cried, not gonna lie. You know me being emotional and all, I had to hold on and not let the waterworks begin. I just know that it was God and God is good.

The other thing that also made it good, well, I can't really say what it is just yet because it's in the works, but come next week I will let y'all know what's going on.

What do you have planned for the holiday weekend? I don't have any set plans, but I'm sure I'll get into some shenanigans.

To start off the weekend right I had to play this song because you know I'm all about that bass! I love this song so much, it puts me in a really good mood and I think it's just perfect for a Friday! The video is really cute too. Bye Felicia!

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Letting Him Go

I can't even write right now as I'm crying, but gonna do my best. It's 1am now so when you guys read this it will be morning. To put it simply, it's over with Rico and I. I was blindsided because I didn't know this would even happen. I don't know why men can't just come out and say what they feel and instead think we're gonna automatically know. Same goes for women, but in this case not really. I have been honest and open about what I feel and instead all he could do is place blame instead of factoring in how he contributed to the problem.

I never knew that he resented me for letting him take me places and pay each time. Granted, I haven't been doing too good financially especially after I got back from Florida, I'm still recuperating from that. All things aside, I am not the type of person that wants to do things and make him pay. A few weeks ago, I took him to a baseball game that my company paid for and I treated him to the game, including free food that we got with our tickets. I also don't mind watching a movie at home and just spending quality time. Each time he would take me out I would thank him because that's the right thing to do. I never knew that that wasn't enough for him until tonight the cards were laid out on the table.

Just like minds can't be read unless you're Vampire Bella, which I know my name is Bella but I'm no vamp! but seriously, how am I supposed to know right off the bat that you are not happy about certain things unless you speak up? Not only that but there are things about him that I don't like and I'm accepting of his flaws, yet he can't seem to accept me for who I am. Which honestly he still doesn't know what kind of person I am if he seriously thinks I'm just a taker and that's it. Last weekend he opened up about somethings that were bothering him on his own personal life and I listened to him. Any other person who didn't care about others would've just told him to suck it up and talk about how cute their outfit is or something.

I don't wanna go through this heartbreak time and time again. How much more can my heart handle when every guy I date is not the one? I guess that's the risk we take to see if it's worth it. Now that everything is said and done I feel empty and incredibly sad. I really thought we had something and how compatible we were, but the communication wasn't there. It wasn't until I told him I need to know what he's thinking when he finally tells me.

While he would say what he doesn't like, I tried telling him I'll work on it and make an effort. He just kept going on and on and I just started thinking that I shouldn't have to convince a guy to be with me, or to give me a chance. The right guy will stay and not give me reasons why he has to leave. So ridiculous and so fucking disappointing. I threw in the towel and told him that I'm done, if he can't see that I'm worth it then I said what I needed to.

He said if I want to be an adult then call him because this was all happening through text and so I did, but he didn't answer. I texted him "Who's the adult now? I called you". Then he replies with a meme that said 'acts like a child accuses everyone else of acting like children', which I thought it was disrespectful because he's not taking this seriously. Then again, maybe I shouldn't have said who's the adult now, but I was just responding to his previous comment about how I'm shying away from the conversation, which I wasn't because anytime I would try to end it with goodnight and take care, he would start talking again about the same shit.

I don't know if this guy is used to communicating when dating women, but so far he's not off to a good start. I felt like I was talking to a little boy and this really should've taken place over the phone and not through text. At least now I know what kind of guy he is and I can just let go and move on. As I mentioned yesterday, I'm turning 32 and I don't have time for childish things such as a guy not expressing how he feels and instead holds it in until it's too late to handle.

I feel better now that I wrote this and I'm going to bed and in the morning, I hope it will be a kick ass day! Thank you for reading if you made it this far, it means more to me than you know. I know I said I feel sad and I think that's normal, but at the same time I'm angry because this is so frustrating, but as he said it is what it is. Fly away Pico Rico and don't come back.

Labor Day weekend is gonna be that much better because I'm dateless.

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Confessions of a Blogaholic: 32nd Birthday Countdown

Today is officially two months until my 32nd birthday! I have no clue what I'm gonna do this year, but I'm sure it will be all kinds of awesomeness. In preparing for {60 days from today} I gotta look my best, meaning shed some weight and of course a little shopping. Back to the weight thing though, it seriously has gotten out of hand to the point where I almost don't fit into any of my current jeans! What the what?!

My plan this week has been stuffing my pie hole less with junk and healthier options instead and I actually went back to the gym. After the gym, I go home and make my protein shake which is basically my dinner. I've been doing this since Monday and I know that's not like a long time, but my point is that I'm gonna keep this going and make it into my routine.

Now don't laugh at me because I'm just letting you know the facts, but the next day after DAY 1 at the gym, I literally lost 3 lbs, which I'm sure that was water weight, but I gotta say I'm making progress and will keep it up so God help me. If I see some more dramatic changes by the end of the week, I will make the announcement on Friday so keep your fingers and toes crossed.

As far as the gym, I opted to go to the one by my job and it's great knowing I'm not gonna run into old exes. So far so good and I even made a new friend there, I met her on Instagram then she approached me while I was walking by. Also, ran into one of my friends there and so it's been a nice change of scenery. This location even has a counter where they make shakes.

This picture was of me two years ago after I had gotten back from getting my makeup done for free 99 at this blogger event. I really want you to just look at my hair though. I'm not thinking of going back to ombre, but maybe. Highlights sound like a good idea or maybe I should just go all blonde or close to blonde. Who knows, I may shake the idea out of my head and leave it be. What say you lovely ones?

The other day at the gym doing the obligatory selfie. I don't get why they don't have a full body mirror! so this will have to do for now.

One more selfie from yesterday. This is how my hair looks like now so keep it dark for fall or go bright?

Oh yeah and let's linkup for some good ol' Confessions of a Blogaholic!

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Wanting to Unplug and Random Blog Ideas

It's moments like these that I feel like I need to unplug from the digital world. Part of me feels obliged to not do that because I have to keep my blog going, but another part of me feels like something's gotta give. Never mind this week because I joined a syndication program where we will share other's content on our blogs and I need to have fresh content to have them share my blog, etc.

Usually I like to blog about what's happening in the now, but then I get stuck when there's nothing really happening, or nothing that's blog worthy and I feel myself wanting to unplug and say fuck this.

The ideas swimming in my head before I wrote this were:
Wanting to dye my hair lighter {I get the itch to change it lighter when the season changes from summer to fall}
Talk about how gorgeous JLO looked at the VMA's
Speaking of VMA's, I just watched Beyonce perform and I started crying when she sang Blue {What is wrong with me? besides the fact that it's that time of the month. Do I want a baby or something?}
This headache won't go away hence probably why I can't write for shit on this post
Write something from a memory {which really my brain can't work so no memories in the bank that I can access #sorrynotsorry}
Random acts of kindness that happened last week
Doing a bride's makeup in two weeks and I am stressed just thinking about how I'm gonna pull that off
As you can see it's all jumbled up and none of them really come together so therefore my brain is mushed and I need to just shut it off and get some beauty rest and hopefully some creativity will come within the next 24 hours for some Confessions. I may expand on some of these blog ideas for an upcoming post or something.

I wish I had a blog assistant or a blog {ghost} writer. Any takers?

How do you deal with lack of inspiration? Do you think unplugging is the cure?