Wednesday, January 11, 2012

The Mummy

Dating definitely has its ups and downs, like the weather. You hate it one minute, and love it the next. It's a game field you inevitably have to play, or be on the sidelines. I'm not a passive person, so I play the game. There's times that I've told someone that we shouldn't see each other because I'm not ready for a relationship, or I think we should be friends, or plainly I'm just not interested in them. But it's really not a good feeling when it happens to you. I came to the realization that the Marine withdrew so early on just like men tend to do, but that's never quite happened to me even though it happens to some women. I'm not sure why I keep going back in my mind about it, but that's just the thinker in me. I kept thinking, "Did I do something wrong? Did I say something wrong? What is he thinking? Why is he being this way when he was the complete opposite?".

I've confided in my friends, and my guy friends ask me, why do I keep sweating the situation so much? or, it was only two dates, why are you fixated on him? My girlfriends tell me, there's more good guys out there, and he's not worth your time. I know all this advice from them makes sense, but I don't feel right because there was no closure. He wasn't upfront with me to tell me, "Hey Bella, I had a good time with you last week, but this is all it's going to be". You know? like, doesn't anyone deserve some type of resolve? I mean, even guys that I don't think need one, I still tell them because I'm a nice person. Who knows, maybe he read this blog, and didn't like what he saw.. but I was mad, and that's the only reason why I wrote not so nice things about him.

While yes, it was only two dates, I felt like he was pursuing me more than I had anticipated, because it's been a long time since a guy has pursued me like he did. We had chemistry, and we talked on the phone for 3 hours one night. I haven't had a connection like that for several months, and I don't get what the hell is the problem. Maybe I was the mummy, and started chasing him a little after I didn't get any replies from his texts. Which, btw, I haven't chased him since I last saw him at that restaurant, but prior to Christmas I did text him asking him about this discount he offered me from his part time job for Christmas shopping. He sounded flaky about it, and I don't get why he couldn't just be honest and tell me that he didn't want to do the favor. I would've respected that, but instead he beat around the bush. I don't like for a guy to do that, be honest and I'll respect you even more for being truthful.

I read this article under iwantclosure.com that talked about why men withdraw so early on in dating, and I felt like it was directly talking to me. It said there are three reasons why a man withdraws. One being, he feels he put himself out there too much and feels his emotions are out of control so in order to regain control, he pumps the breaks, hard. Two, he may just be seeking that newness in a courtship, and when it starts to wear off, he is out the door. Lastly, he could be dealing with a bigger problem that is not related to me such as finances, work or other things.

The upside of all those reasons is that they have nothing to do with me, and everything to do with him. While I still think that dating can have good things about it, I still think it leaves a sour note when there's unresolved feelings, and no communication whatsoever, and you know deep down that you don't deserve this. I don't need someone to treat me that way, and since I don't do that to others, then I will keep my head up and keep doing my thing.