Monday, December 24, 2012

Merry Christmas Eve!

Hey guys! I hope you are enjoying yourselves with last minute Christmas shopping and getting ready to spend time with loved ones. I'm getting ready to head over to my parents' house here in a bit and I'm looking forward to seeing them because I haven't seen them since Thanksgiving. Before I go off in a tangent I wanted to talk about dating as of these last few weeks for me. It's pretty much nonexistent and I feel a little sad about it. I guess I thought that things with Ed were going to work out, but it's not going the way I thought it should. For one, when I'm dating someone I never tell them if I go out with a guy somewhere, I keep it vague because I don't think that it's their business and I'm not trying to make them jealous. When it's done to me I get annoyed because in my mind I'm wondering if this person is trying to make me jealous, or what is the point of them telling me this, or I guess they feel comfortable enough to tell me things like that, but I rather not know!

Secondly, I want to see that person regularly at least once a week. So when two weeks go by and I haven't seen that person I get the feeling there's no urgency on that person's end and it makes me feel unwanted and undesired. So in turn, I shy away from that person because I need consistency. 

It's weird to admit this but I see a lot of my ex in Ed. My ex was very passive and not aggressive enough. That's one of the things that I think hurt our relationship because he wouldn't be the kind of guy to take charge. For example, for my 25th birthday instead of my ex telling me not to make any plans because he had something planned for me, he asked "What are you doing for your birthday?" What am I doing for my birthday? What kind of question is that? We've been together for 7 years and he has the nerve to ask me what am I doing? Hello?! Of course I would want to be with him. So I responded, "What am I doing for my birthday? Hanging out with my friends!" I spent that Halloween night with my friends dressed up in our costumes and had a great time, but that whole day him and I were fighting through text and I never saw him on my birthday and I was crying all day. So my 25th birthday, which was supposed to be a big one, really wasn't.

When Ed decides to call me I don't know why it's past midnight because he's not the kind of guy who will invite me over,  he just wants to talk. I don't mind that, but why can't I hear from him during the day? 

So anyways, that's what I'm dealing with and I'm not sure which way to go. He had me meet some of his friends last weekend, which I thought it was cool but at the same time there's no consistency to lead me to believe that he wants me. There's also another factor in the equation, but I think I pretty much covered the bases.

Again I hope you guys have a Merry Christmas and eat lots of yummy food and give lots of love! Be blessed!